Mom you never encourage us

 I should start this blog with  "I hate you mom" I am never good enough for you. That is what my eldest used  to say to me when she was in fifth grade. Now  She is 20 and doing her second year Phd in biomedical engineering.
 When she was to she was tested for a gifted student and she has been doing her academic work at her pace, but during middle school years she had a tough time because she felt I did not say "good job" often compared to other parents.
 I did not understand what she was saying, so I encouraged her by asking how can you improve herself.
I did not know she was asking for my approval. I showed my approval by encouraging her. My focus is on  making her independent,
I want her to understand her own strength, but even today she feels I don't approve of her.
 I should share this link with her.
My second daughter is not a gifted one, but still she also feels the same way.
She feels that she can never satisfy me, but I know they both are independent and make their own decisions.
I trust their judgment completely, because they know their strength and weakness.
for both my children, they thrive on their achievement  than somebody's praise.
It is not to say that they are successful.
 They are academically successful but socially they don't do things for their approval of their friends. They do what makes them feel right so sometimes they have a hard time adopting to their friends
 and they do not know how to approve their friends behavior .
Some times they feel out of place in a group.
So praising the kids may look like a drawback put it helps them to understand the society that they live in.
Practically speaking, all these academic article is good for particular audience  and  great for a class room settings because the peers are also exposed to it in the same level, whereas when I did it myself at home it was very hard for my children.